work

i ran into a foster mom at safeway tonight. she had her foster daughter and her two biological daughters with her. her 13 month old foster daughter used to be a client of mine. she looked happy; they all looked happy. but i am wondering. that girl could grow up in that family and be loved and loved well. she would have a nice home, lots of toys, a brother, sisters, a caring and doting mom and options for her life. she could go through life with all of that and then some but always with the thought that her biological mom didn't want her bad enough. is it worth it?

at this point, if she were to grow up with her biological mom, she would more than likely be overexposed to sex, drugs and bad choices, she may have brothers and sisters that she would end up taking care of, she would be treated poorly by many people because of her mom's choices, she would have few options for her life, she would be homeless, she would be poor, she would have her mom.

this would just be the way it has been for her family. you get what you get and you don't throw a fit.

my daughter grew in me and then was born from me. i cannot imagine a time when she will not feel like an extension of my own body. how do mother's who don't have their children with them survive? how do they live with themselves? how can you get your priorities mixed up when it involves something that came from your body and was created from your being?

what if her mom did get her act together? got some parenting classes, proved she was clean and sober and made her daughter a priority? what then?

she would [most likely] still live in poverty, have to put up with her mom's bad choices, still get treated differently, still have to raise her brothers and sisters, still be overexposed to the evils of the world and still have less opportunities. is that worth it? is it worth it for her to have her "mom" as opposed to being loved by someone who didn't give birth to her?

i am not my son's biological mom. but i am still his mom. i'm his only mom right now...but then again i'm not. i'm not the only mom who loves him, thinks about him.

Straight from wikipedia: "A mother is the biological and/or social female parent of an offspring. In the case of a mammal such as a human, the mother gestates her child, which is called first an embryo, and then a fetus. This gestation occurs in the mother's uterus from conception until the fetus is sufficiently developed to be born. The mother then goes into labor and gives birth. Once the child is born, the mother produces milk in a process called lactation to feed the child."

what? are you serious? i did none of those things and i'm still Alan's "mom."

a friend once told me that mom is a weird term that is considered a noun but really should be a verb. and ted always says it's something to be earned.

when Alan has a rough day, i mom it. i hug him, i talk to him, i listen to him, i make him laugh, he smiles, my heart gets warm... his "mom" is no where to be found, but he is officially "mommed."

"foster" moms and "step" moms have it rough. they aren't moms, but they "mom" every day. they get the same amount of appreciation, if not less, than the rest of the "mom's" out there. i'm a "step" [ew, i hate that word...who comes up with this stuff?] and i have to ring in that the "fosters" have it worse. they have to deal with the "system" on top of it all. that's a whole 'nother blog in and of itself.

alan is better off with me. i have no doubt about that. but he will always have a void in his life that i cannot fill. he will always be missing his "biological" mom. and he will always be missing the things that she could have given him.

Isaiah 49:15

The Lord answers, "Can a mother forget the baby who is nursing at her breast? Can she stop showing her tender love to the child who was born to her? She might forget her child. But I will not forget you.

p.s. alan just walked in. i signed his homework, he told me a story about his youth pastor not brushing his teeth and getting thirteen cavities, i told him i love him, i gave him a kiss [and smelled his clean teeth] and then he ran off saying "come on mom." i have to go kiss him goodnight now. i will get to hold his hand while we say the Lord's prayer. he will officially be "mommed" for the day.

a blog

I'm starting a blog. That may be a "duh" at this point, if you are reading this, but it's my blog and I can say what I want. I don't know why other people start blogs but for me it's because I think other people should be interested in what I have to say and how I'm going to say it and I don't like to be interrupted. AND with two kids and a husband, sometimes I don't get anytime to say what I want, when and how I want to. So, I've tried to do the journal thing but it just doesn't cut it. There is something intimately satisfying to write something that you think/know other people will read.

Alan is saying "mom, come on!" pretty insistently right now. I have to go admire his drawings.