my contribution to the cultural education of my children

ted and i like to plan things in advance. and then we change our minds. and then ted changes his again. and then i get used to the new plan. and then ted changes his mind again. and then i get mad. and then i don't plan things in advance anymore.

ted wanted to go to barter faire and camp this last weekend. i did not. nothing against barter faire and all, but i was not too keen on subjecting my kids to a place so cold you are drawn to the flame....and that is NOT the place to be drawn to the flame, if you get my drift. so i let him stew on it for a day or two and then said things like"it's too cold" and "i have to grow a baby and it's too cold up there to do that" and "pot smoke is not good for growing babies or children." then he changes his mind. and then he changes it back. and then friday night we decide that maybe it would be ok to just go for the day. and i'm kind of ok with that and i get used to the idea.

saturday morning. t minus 3 minutes until we are going to leave and ted changes his mind (you live with him, you learn to expect it.) i find myself actually talking him into going to barter faire.

what?

driving in cars for long periods of time with maya is not. fun. capitol NOT. i, of course, make the mistake of telling her we will be going through a tunnel (her favorite) and then ted reminds me bebe bridge is open and we, in fact, will not be traveling through any tunnels. i think this is ridiculous and someone should build a tunnel somewhere on that drive. we then spend about 20 minutes convincing maya that it is actually more exciting to cross bridges then go through tunnels. this translates into a commitment to raise our hands and feet and yell like banshees as we travel over all 12 bridges between here and tonasket. we always end with clapping to celebrate. anything with water on both sides of the road qualified as a bridge. alan was the official judge and counter. i have never had so much fun with bridges. you should try it sometime. it's better if you do it on the way to tonasket, where all the people are a little cooky anyway and don't think it out of the ordinary to see a car full of people yelling and doing the wave over a bridge.

once we arrive at barter faire (following charming a cop out of a ticket and spending an hour in the driveway inching our way towards the parking lot) i learned several things. maya is not as bohemian as I thought. not brushing my hair or putting on make-up did not help me fit in. drug dealers do not discriminate against people with kids. or people in tennis shoes. my mother in law makes great pumpkin bread that is best if you just gnaw on it. the kids of free spirited parents are bratty just like other kids. free face painting for kids is an awesome perk. it really meant a lot to my mother in law that we came, seeing as it was her birthday and all. i am thankful and glad that i talked ted into going. maya melts down after two hours of living the bohemian lifestyle.
as we were walking around we walked right past one of the staff at alan's old school. i pointed her out (because it made me feel slightly more normal to be there after seeing her). i say "that was mrs. bull." ted says "oh really?" and alan says "that's unfortunate."

what?

I say "why is that unfortunate?" and he says "that a person like her would be at a place like this."

what?

i say "what about us? we are here." and he shrugs his shoulders.

ever since i have been trying to figure out exactly what goes through that kid's head about our family.

oh and excuse me but it is now called okanogan family faire...to make it more family friendly and less drug dealer friendly. i'm not really sure what to make of that. but thanks for the effort.

part of the family friendly aspect, i assume.

51% of the time

alan is in rare form today. here is from a random conversation:

alan: i just learned that there are more girls than boys.

me: yeah, i think like 51%. where did you hear that?

alan: i just learned it from myself.

me: did it just pop into your brain or did you hear it somewhere?

alan: i heard it. why do boys want to become girls? then there are just more girls. a boy wants to be a girl and then there goes another girl. and then there goes another girl. they just want to become girls and then there are more girls.

me: um, yeah. why don't you, uh.....

alan: play on the playstation 2?

me. um, yeah.

alan: ok. so now you don't have to take care of me. i'll just take care of myself.

me: i love you.

seriously, i think i should be voted mother of the year. where is ted when i need him?

alan speak

i just asked alan if he had cleaned his room. his response? "if you go in there it won't look like I had a war at all."

the lament of alan

i've been a little blogged out lately. don't worry it's not because of anything you've done. and there is never a shortage of inspiration for things to write about, just no time and energy to do it.

maya and alan have been up to their usual tricks lately. alan was drawing one morning and said to me "why would I do anything else, if I can draw?" or something like that. but of course, today, life is going to end because he's "boooooooooored out of his mind with nothing to do." i say "i thought drawing was supremo" and he just says "mom, you make me want to scream-o."

quotes

ok, so my best friend misty has a webpage and she puts up quotes from her two daughters when they say something cute and/or hilarious. i told her that it was a brilliant idea and i'm stealing it. i have always wanted to write down the crazy things that alan says, but i never remember to. plus, i just know i'll start a notebook and then forget about it and someday when i need a peice of paper i will find it and use it for something else and wonder what to do with the one quote i've written down.

anyway, today's funny quote comes courtesy of alan:

"mike, you shouldn't lose weight because then you won't be soft and squishy like a pillow."